Tag Archives: fitness

Confession

Confession: It’s the end of January and there are so many times this week I’ve wanted to give up.  This is not good. Let’s review the month of January and figure out a plan… I promised myself I could do this.

I’ve lost a few pounds, but I’m 5 pounds behind. On top of it, I’m bloated as hell and feel like I’m carrying another thirty pounds of salted water weight around right now – it’s not good for the morale.  This past week, my lower back started hurting quite a bit. I’ve never had that happen before. I think it’s because of the extra weight I’m carrying and that’s pretty demoralizing. I’ve also noticed that my body is changing – I feel fat popping up on my lower back where it never has before. How can I be losing weight if it’s shifting around? It’s making me really self conscious. Is this just one of those bodily changes that happens as you age? My lower back hurts, I have back fat, and oh yeah – I’ve been VERY stiff every morning for the past couple weeks. What is THAT about? That’s definitely new.  There are other physical things going on, too. I’m trying to grow my hair out right now (from being SUPER short), and it’s in a really awkward stage where I can’t quite put it up, but it just sort of hangs there looking like a mullet-meets-mother-brady. It’s not doing anything to conform to my double chin, that’s for sure.  On top of it all, there have been several days where I’ve missed my anxiety meds and it shows. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but a lot of my weight gain was from hopping on the anxiety med wagon. I think it screws horribly with my metabolism when I forget to take them for a few days (especially since they’re SSRI)…

I’ve been doing absolutely horrible on the exercise wagon.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Can laziness be a disease?  How can I take small steps toward doing better? I don’t work well with “tough love”… that only makes me retreat further into a black hole. I decided against doing Weight Watchers even though I have a friend who started it today. I don’t even know why I’m giving up on it – I just feel like it’s something else I’ll promise myself and end up disappointed about when I fail at it – again.

Right now school/work is horribly stressful, as so many deadlines are coming up. I am finding myself stress/emotionally eating like there’s no tomorrow. I see no end in sight for this at least until the end of May, assuming I can get everything finished.

Okay so there’s been a bit of negativity on this post. I did accomplish a few of things in January. So many of the items on my list are yearly cumulative, so I can’t really cross them off at all, though I have started putting a monthly tally next to those where  it makes sense to do so. I’ve broken a few promises to myself already, so I can’t break the one of getting through the list this year, even if it means the numbers don’t match up… but… I can’t give up  – not yet.

This will be my 20th post… at least I should beat that number.

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First sweat of the year! (5)

Today was emotionally draining. That’s the best description I can come up with anyway. Actually it went quite well except I was 15 minutes late to a first class session, which is of course, embarrassing (just to clear up any confusion, I take classes and teach them). Nevertheless, the class went well and I followed it up with a quick lunch with a friend, another course, a long planning meeting which was particularly productive, and a 2.6 mile speed walk around a lake that took a little over an hour (also with friends). I even sweat a little! Then evening came and after dinner at another friend’s house (apparently I was feeling the need to be social?) I went home and the evening blew up into a huge emotionally  drawn out argument with my partner. By 2am we had talked everything out, but gosh I hope this relationship phase ends soon. We’ve been at each others’ throats for a couple months now.  Something’s gotta give.

Thanks for the comments recently. It’s funny – I had a few people (both publicly and privately) comment yesterday about my apparent honesty in these postings. I think it’s important to keep myself accountable for every fallback, even if they might be a bit embarrassing like a few days worth of cupcakes and sloth. The minute I start fudging something is when this experiment is over – it’s when it starts to do me no good at all.

I don’t think I’ve mentioned yet how I keep track of things for myself. I’m a wee bit obsessive-compulsive about time management (even though I’m actually horrible about it) so I keep a chart productivity daily of how many hours I spend per task (I’ve done this for a few years). The tasks on my chart range from sleep to cleaning to facebook to writing to reading to socializing to exercise to teaching, etc etc etc… Notice I keep sleep in there. It’s important for me to do that, as I never sleep as much as I should and this is a way for me to keep track.  On Wednesday my total was 15.75 hours of productivity, and today was 16.5. I always take a look at the chart at the end of the week and smack myself for being too social or not working at all on a particular task when I should have. Basically it’s a physical representation of where all my time goes.

Food Diary:

  • Breakfast: Skipped (again!)
  • Lunch: 8 baked chicken wings, 1 coke
  • Dinner: italian sausage with peppers/onions on a roll, corn
  • Snacks: piece of lemon meringue pie, 1 bite of chocolate frosting, several cups of water

Notes: 

Okay the chocolate thing was a result of watching the newest episode of Grey’s Anatomy last night. Apparently I’m an emotional eater.  I need to lay off the soda. I drank plenty of water yesterday. I need to start eating breakfast so my metabolism can speed up.

 

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