I’m happy with this past week! Weigh in day is tomorrow, so we’ll see if I’m happy with that 🙂 … So here’s the scoop:
grass jelly (drink form)
This week I did yoga a couple times, bought Wii Fit & exercised with it, made some meals at home, bought materials to grow an herb garden, tried a new restaurant (Vietnamese), tried a new food (grass jelly!), and saw a movie at a theatre (Star Wars in 3D)… (in case you’re new to my blog, all that’s on my resolution list to the right)…
Today I cut my hair because it was getting too long and annoying..obviously this is a post of random sentences that barely relate to each other.
Weight Watchers is going really well. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for SOME kind of loss tomorrow. My writing/work is going better. I’ve woken up a few times this week with LOTS of energy, which is really rare.
I’ve been drinking a ton of water, decreasing the sodium, and adding more fruit. It turns out I’m anemic so I started taking this nasty tasting prenatal vitamins because it’s the only multivitamin with iron in it. I felt markedly better within a day.
This week my goal is to stare down the spine of Wii Fit and kick its butt a little. I’d like it to warm up so I can start jogging outside again. Pretty soon I’ll start looking for a 5k!
I can cross off #89 and add another notch to #92! This past weekend I went camping as I hosted a weekend-long workshop related to my research. For the first time ever, I slept under the stars without a tent, which is something I’ve always wanted to do! I bought a double-height air mattress, got myself nice and comfortable with plenty of blankets, and put it in an open field where I was holding the workshop. It was so lovely falling asleep to the very near sounds of owls and there was a little bit of an adrenaline rush since the area is crawling with black bears. I really, really enjoyed it! I can’t wait for the opportunity to present itself again. I know it’s a small little feat, but I think it’s really nice to put yourself in situations where you’re just a wee bit scared once in a while. It made me feel pretty alive, and I needed that.
Today I looked at my laptop after having not touched it (or my phone) since Thursday and the first thought that came to mind is that my laptop is the seed of all that is evil! Okay not really but… it’s the source of so much stress for me! It symbolizes work, meetings, responsibilities, unfinished writings and assignments, students, and tons of unfinished lists… it was actually slightly painful to open it up. When I got home last night, I put it on my bed and just stared at it for about a half hour before opening it up. Once I did, I couldn’t get my network connection to work so I took it as a sign that I needed until today to be technology-free.
I was SURE I’d lose weight this week, especially after this weekend because I worked my butt off… but sure enough, I gained two pounds! How the hell do I join weight watchers and gain 2 pounds during the first week WHILE spending the last four days of the week camping and eating healthy veggies and meats roasted over a bonfire!? Sheesh. My body hates me. Obviously my metabolism needs a major reroute.
Confession: It’s the end of January and there are so many times this week I’ve wanted to give up. This is not good. Let’s review the month of January and figure out a plan… I promised myself I could do this.
I’ve lost a few pounds, but I’m 5 pounds behind. On top of it, I’m bloated as hell and feel like I’m carrying another thirty pounds of salted water weight around right now – it’s not good for the morale. This past week, my lower back started hurting quite a bit. I’ve never had that happen before. I think it’s because of the extra weight I’m carrying and that’s pretty demoralizing. I’ve also noticed that my body is changing – I feel fat popping up on my lower back where it never has before. How can I be losing weight if it’s shifting around? It’s making me really self conscious. Is this just one of those bodily changes that happens as you age? My lower back hurts, I have back fat, and oh yeah – I’ve been VERY stiff every morning for the past couple weeks. What is THAT about? That’s definitely new. There are other physical things going on, too. I’m trying to grow my hair out right now (from being SUPER short), and it’s in a really awkward stage where I can’t quite put it up, but it just sort of hangs there looking like a mullet-meets-mother-brady. It’s not doing anything to conform to my double chin, that’s for sure. On top of it all, there have been several days where I’ve missed my anxiety meds and it shows. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but a lot of my weight gain was from hopping on the anxiety med wagon. I think it screws horribly with my metabolism when I forget to take them for a few days (especially since they’re SSRI)…
I’ve been doing absolutely horrible on the exercise wagon. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Can laziness be a disease? How can I take small steps toward doing better? I don’t work well with “tough love”… that only makes me retreat further into a black hole. I decided against doing Weight Watchers even though I have a friend who started it today. I don’t even know why I’m giving up on it – I just feel like it’s something else I’ll promise myself and end up disappointed about when I fail at it – again.
Right now school/work is horribly stressful, as so many deadlines are coming up. I am finding myself stress/emotionally eating like there’s no tomorrow. I see no end in sight for this at least until the end of May, assuming I can get everything finished.
Okay so there’s been a bit of negativity on this post. I did accomplish a few of things in January. So many of the items on my list are yearly cumulative, so I can’t really cross them off at all, though I have started putting a monthly tally next to those where it makes sense to do so. I’ve broken a few promises to myself already, so I can’t break the one of getting through the list this year, even if it means the numbers don’t match up… but… I can’t give up – not yet.
This will be my 20th post… at least I should beat that number.
I’m looking forward to weigh-in tomorrow – I hope I meet my goal (see previous affirmations post), but as long as I have a loss I’ll be happy. I’ve been trying hard this week. I didn’t realize how much happens in my life that gets in the way of these goals, and it’s only January. I’m grateful for the ability to learn along the way. This is probably the busiest I’ve ever been before, yet I’m finding plenty of time to incorporate my goals into social time with friends by choosing what we do based on the list – for example, I’ve now painted two canvasses and I’m really happy with how they turned out. I bought a “how to” oil paint book, too – I have no talent whatsoever, but I really enjoy doing it. ALSO – I’m buying my ticket to the Dominican Republic this week (for mid-March). If anyone has any travel tips for visiting there, let me know! I started planning my trip to India but I’m really weary – I don’t feel safe going alone (I’ve never been), and I can’t find anyone who has the money to tag along. It needs to be done, though.
I’ve also been enjoying organizing my home. Over the next few weeks I’m hosting quite a few events at the house, so everything needs to be clean and organized. Confession: I love it when I have stuff at the house simply because it forces me to keep things neat. If I never had anyone over, the place would be a disaster!
I have two weeks to write a 100+ page document, so if I’m not posting every day, be assured that I’m trying my best to stay on plan. I know I’ve started off rocky, but know also that I’ve never been a ‘cold turkey’ kind of person. If I “step it up” every week just a little bit, I know I’ll be successful. I have to think hard about this coming week’s affirmations. Tomorrow I’ll let everyone know how I did for this week’s! 🙂
- Breakfast: half-caf coffee, glass of lemonade
- Lunch: leftover mardi gras pasta (homemade – 2 servings), 1 cup applesauce
- Dinner: 2 pcs cheese pizza, 2 pcs crazy bread dipped in marinara, 8 wings
- Snacks: 2 chocolate cupcakes, sierra mist
I need a come-to-Jesus meeting with myself. These food diaries have made me realize that 80+% of what I eat is either sweet or fried. When did this happen? A few years ago I was vegetarian, then I went vegan, and then I went raw. I never felt better than when I was on a raw diet. I barely ever ate sweets, and when I did it was homemade/dairyless coconut/carob ice cream. Now it’s like I can’t get enough sweets. I’m not sure when this sudden sweet/fried foods thing happened. Is it possible to be addicted to these things? It’s like I have to unravel my tastebuds, scrape them off, and start introducing them to clean and healthy things all over again.
I hate my house. Okay – I don’t hate it, but I really dislike it. It has no soul whatsoever. I have two bedrooms, an office, a bathroom, a hallway, a kitchen, and a living room ALL with white walls and ugly white linoleum tile flooring. I can’t alter either of those according to my lease. I rented the place two years ago because it has a GREAT yard for my dogs. The dogs track in dirt EVERY day and I’m constantly having to bleach the floors which just look gross – I can never quite get them looking clean. The walls are soulless. I have too much stuff in the house in general. I can’t have nice furniture because I have a husky who likes to gnaw on anything wood and a pit bull who has is oddly neurotic about licking things. But – I’m almost thirty dammit and I want nice things. I NEED cheap decorating ideas. If you have any, let me know. I can post photos of rooms as I go through them. End Rant.
Okay – so. Today was sort of a continuation of yesterday which means lots of wine consumption. I had to run to the store to prep for a birthday party for 6 people that I’m hosting at a friends’ tomorrow night. Naturally this included silly party things and food. I found a great bottle of Merlot and a beautiful chunk of gorgonzola, along with some brie an brioche… so I brought those things to my friends’ house from last night and we worked on our paintings some more while consuming the edibles. After several hours of discussing the menu for tomorrow night, we went to another grocery and then I came home, realized my house was cold and messy, and decided to hibernate with my laptop and a space heater in the bedroom for the rest of the evening. Didn’t buy the Wii today because I was so consumed with party prep that I forgot!
- Breakfast: 2 pieces of French Toast, syrup
- Lunch: 1/4 frozen yogurt, 2 bites of a friend’s churro, 8 McD’s chicken nuggets
- Dinner: None
- Snacks: Lots of red wine, a 20 oz. coke, gorgonzola, brie en brioche (2 slices), a few sun dried tomato crackers, a few samples from Costco
- What a silly day! EVERYTHING up there is bad for me! I could have done SO much better! Ridiculous! This is what happens when I go for a few days without tracking my foods! I AM proud of myself for telling my partner to put the chocolate chip cookies back on the shelf after she put them in our shopping cart this evening… especially because they were buy 1, get 1 free. I don’t think I had ANY water today… and tomorrow’s weigh in day! All that salt/sugar is not going to bode well in the morning!
I have internet again! Cue regular posts once more! I’m kicking myself for the hang-up! Okay… so :
Yesterday (Friday) was not the best day to stay on plan. I woke up at 9am after sleeping almost SIXTEEN hours because I hadn’t slept at all for the two days prior. I had a few social eating experiences, which is neither good for my wallet nor my belly. In the evening several friends decided to have a craft night, so I went to Michael’s and bought a blank canvas, some oil paints, and some brushes, and went at it. I had no idea how long it takes those things to dry!! Anyway, I had never painted on a canvas before, nor had I used oils, nor had I ever really drawn anything… so I tried something new, which always makes me happy. I have a bit more to do on it, but I think I’ll post the finished product here. Of course craft night with the girls also means that we consumed several bottles of wine – maybe 7 or 8 between four of us? We were there from 7pm to 3am. Those calories certainly won’t help, either. BUT… today I’m buying a Wii so I can cross that off my list!
Tomorrow’s weigh-in day number two! I’m anticipating losing a pound or so, but after last night’s debauchery, I’ll be surprised if it’s any more than that. Keeping my fingers crossed!